A Dream Come True: My Trip to Niagara Falls

Niagara Falls has always been one of my top places I wanted to visit, so when I found out I got a spot in the exchange program at my University and would be studying in Canada for a few months, I knew this would be my chance to see Niagara Falls. The city I was living in, in Canada, was about a two-hour drive from Niagara Falls, so it was the perfect opportunity.

Even better, one of the University’s organizations for exchange students offered a trip to Niagara Falls, including tickets for a boat tour and the Skylon Tower, so my friends and I signed up. Unfortunately the weather wasn’t so lovely on the day of our trip but I wouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying every second of my Niagara Falls experience.

So after a two-hour bus ride we finally made it to the town of Niagara Falls. We did get some time to walk around the city but it started pouring, so we went back to the bus fairly quickly. I didn’t mind very much because I wanted to go see the waterfalls anyway.

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Fortunately it had stopped raining once we reached Niagara Falls. Did you know it consisted of three waterfalls? I never knew that to be honest. The big one, I’m sure everyone knows, is the horseshoe fall and on the Canadian side. But there is also a smaller waterfall on the American side called the American Falls (what a surprise) and an even smaller one right next to it, which is the Bridal Veil Falls. While the American Falls and Bridal Falls are nice to look at the much bigger Horseshoe Falls is definitely the most breathtaking one.

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(American Falls on the left and Bridal Veil Falls on the right)

First we walked around the area a bit before we decided to get on one of the boats. I’m not gonna lie I was very much surprised by how close the boats take you to the actual waterfalls. Everyone has to wear rain capes but you’re still going to get a little bit wet from the mist. It was an amazing experience to get so close to this huge waterfall. You suddenly feel so small.

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Another nice thing around Niagara Falls is that you can go up the Skylon Tower to see everything from above. I think the ticket was around CA$13 and in my opinion totally worth it.

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(View from the Skylon Tower)

My friends and I spent the entire day there just walking around the area and looking at the waterfalls. Honestly, I was a little nervous whether I might be disappointed but the actual Niagara Falls. You know how you tend to have pretty high expectations of places you’re dying to visit? Luckily it really was as beautiful and mesmerizing as I imagined and I definitely was not disappointed. One minor thing that takes a bit of away from the beauty for me is how commercialised the whole area is. There’s casinos and big hotels everywhere.

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Despite the rain and not amazing weather as you can see from the pictures I still loved my visit at Niagara Falls. I could’ve stared at the Horseshoe Falls for hours. So if you ever get the chance to visit you should definitely go! I’m not sure if I personally would stay for more than a day but there definitely is a lot to do. I didn’t go to the American side but I heard there’s a big shopping mall and there’s definitely lots of attractions on the Canadian side.

Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? What’s one of your dream places to visit?

Love,

Sophie

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When It’s Time To End A Friendship…

Change is inevitable. Whether we do want or don’t want change, it forces its way into our lives from time to time and there’s nothing we can do about it. Yes, things can change for the worse but often things change for the better. But it’s not always things that change. Often it can be people that change for better or for worse.

I’ve always been a bit more of a reserved person and although I can be very social at times I definitely identify as an introvert. Luckily I have never struggled to make new friends and I generally get along with just about anybody. Hence especially in high school I’ve had lots of friends. Fast forward a few years later and my group of friends has  shrunk quite drastically. Time is very valuable, so I choose to only spend it with people I feel are worthy of my time and effort. I know I know that might sound a bit harsh but is it really?

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I can’t count the amount of times I have worried about somebody not liking me, being upset about feeling left out or disappointed about what an alleged friend said or did. So why waste time on people, who you don’t truly love to spend time with? Who you can’t trust? Cause you shouldn’t! Some people simply aren’t worth your time and effort and sometimes it’s better to leave those people in the past and cut them out of your life.

Friendships end. But it’s not always a fight or betrayal that ends a friendship. Sometimes you just grow apart and that is okay because people change. No one is the same person they were ten years ago. Life never stops and we constantly encounter new people and experiences, which cause us to grow and develop and change. It’s natural. But sometimes it’s very hard to admit that you no longer have much in common with a person you once cared so much about. A person you shared so many memories with.

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I’m often told I’m quite mature for my age and I think that might be because I moved a lot growing up and I’m quite lucky to have been able to travel to lots of places and live and study in four different countries so far. Even during my junior and senior year in high school I was already different from my friends. Most of them had been born in the same city they’ve lived in for the majority of their lives. It was the typical everybody knows everybody kind of town most people never stray to far away from. I’ve always had big dreams of going foreign places and exploring the world country by country even at age sixteen. I had just moved back to Europe from the US, a country the majority of my new classmates had never been to, so everybody was quite intrigued to hear my stories and I made new friends easily. But things where easy back in high school. There was always something to talk about because as teenagers we all kind of go through the same things and life pretty much solely revolves around friends, partying and school.

I genuinely thought I made some friends for life back then and no matter where I would end up I would always keep in touch with my friends from school. After graduating high school I moved to the Netherlands to attend university there but I still came home every other weekend to see my dog, my family and my old friends of course. Especially during my first year of college I still hung out with them a lot but things started to change. Well, I think it was me that was changing while most of them didn’t. I felt how I was drifting away from my group friends and I didn’t enjoy spending time with them as much anymore because I felt like I barely had anything to talk about with them.

 I still had my big dreams of traveling and hopefully being able to work abroad in the future. Yet, most of my friends at the time had no interest in broadening their horizons past the life they already knew. Whenever I met up with them I mostly sat there and listened to their conversations about different people, boring and trashy TV shows and work. I wanted to engage in the conversation so badly but I felt like I had nothing to contribute. Especially compared to new friends I made, who I could talk to about everything from our dreams and plans for the future to politics. But when I hung out with my old friends I just felt so lonely. Have you ever experienced that? You’re in a room full of people but you feel so disconnected from them it makes you feel even more lonely than if you were by yourself. Well, if you haven’t I can assure you it’s not a nice feeling. Especially if you once used to be so close to those people. But suddenly you’re the odd one out. You’re on the outside looking in.

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Since spending time with my old friends made me unhappy I started to cancel on them a lot, which maybe wasn’t the most adult thing to do I must admit but it felt like the right thing at the time. Cause why would I want to put myself in a situation I knew would make me miserable?

While I was in Canada I didn’t keep in touch with most of them but I met the most amazing people. People like me that love to travel and are open-minded and always up to experience something new. People who cared. People who I could have intellectual conversations with. People who made me happy when I spend time with them and it made me realize that those are the kind of people I want to surround myself with.

Now I might not have so many friends but the friends I do have are genuinely amazing people that make me happy and that is what counts. If a friendship for whatever reason is making you unhappy it might be time to end it. It might be hard. It definitely was for me because it’s really hurtful to come to the realization that people who once were an important part of your life no longer seem to have a place in it. But I believe that is part of growing up. We all change and sometimes that change leads us into very different directions and that is totally okay.

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Friendships shouldn’t be dragging you down. They should be lifting you up, so what’s important to remember is that you’re not alone with your dreams and plans and interests. There’s lots of people out there, who you have so much in common with. It might take some time to find them but in the end it’s going to be so worth it.

Love,

Sophie

 

 

The Beauty of Traveling Alone

Traveling has always been my passion. If money wasn’t a problem I’d probably wake up in a new place every week, just waiting to explore everything. The list of places I still want to see is endless.

I briefly mentioned in my last post, that I spent a semester studying abroad in Canada. I went to an amazing university in a city called London, about two hours away from Toronto, and I had the most amazing time. I met some lovely people and I got to go on many amazing trips with my new friends. I felt so lucky because I got to see quite a bit of the beautiful country that is Canada. However, Vancouver was still on my list of places to visit but since it was at the other side of the country, from where I was living, I didn’t get the chance to go during my studies. My semester in Canada ended at the end of December but my new semester back in the Netherlands didn’t start until February, which left me with six weeks of free time.

I thought this would be my chance. My one chance to go travel to Vancouver and maybe some other places. Unfortunately all of my friends I made back in London all had to go back to their home countries much earlier than me, so if I decided to stay and travel I would have to do it on my own. I thought about it long and hard. Especially because it would also mean that I would miss Christmas with my family and would have to spend it alone but I just couldn’t pass up this opportunity, so I booked a flight from Toronto to Vancouver, one from Vancouver to Seattle, one from Seattle to San Francisco and one last one from San Francisco back home.

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I was so excited I got to travel and explore new cities with no worries, no deadlines in the back of my mind. I knew this would probably be my last few weeks of freedom and no stress, because once I got back home I would have to start working on my BA Thesis.

Before I left to Vancouver my mom and brother came to visit me in Toronto for two weeks and we had the best time. But when we all went to the airport and they got on a flight back to Europe it was really strange for me because I knew I wasn’t coming home with them. I was about to get on a flight to a city far away from everything and everyone I knew. I knew this wasn’t going to be like going on vacation with my friends to somewhere else in Europe. No, I would be across the world from my family and I wouldn’t have any friends there. Suddenly I started regretting my decision. I think I just got scared but I was also incredibly sad to leave Toronto. My few months in London had been some of the best of my life and I was devastated for it all to be over. I got to visit Toronto a few times while living in London and I fell in love with the city the first time I went there. I’m not even joking but if someone offered me a job there I’d move in a heartbeat.

Anyway, my point is that I think leaving Toronto to go travel by myself for 3 weeks really made me realize that my Canadian dream was about to be over and before I knew it I would be back home stuck in the same old routines.

After hours of traveling I finally made it to my hotel in Vancouver and went straight to bed. The next morning I woke up at 6am because of jet lag but I couldn’t get myself out of bed. I suddenly felt so lonely and anxious. After a few more hours I finally forced myself out of bed and opened the curtains in front of my hotel room windows. What I saw literally took my breath away.

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From my room I had the most amazing view over the city and if I looked all the way to the left I could see water and mountains. Within seconds my feelings changed from anxious and nervous to happy. I quickly got ready and started walking around the city to explore. The first place I walked to was the harbour and with each moment my heart filled up even more with joy.

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I know that sounds so corny but everything I was seeing looked so incredibly beautiful and I realized how lucky I was to experience it all, even if I was all by myself and didn’t have anyone to share it with. It didn’t matter at all in that moment. I felt so free and liberated like I have never felt before in my life. After all I was half a world away from everyone I knew. I was free to do exactly as I pleased and there was no one I had to explain myself to. No limitations. No restrictions.

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Everyone I told about my plans of traveling on my own was skeptical about it. Aren’t you goint to be scared all by yourself? Isn’t it much nicer to have someone to share those experiences with? The answer for me now is no. Yes, I was scared at first but all my doubts quickly flew out the window. Yes, it is nice to go on vacation with friends or loved ones and make amazing memories together but it is also incredibly nice to experience it all on your own. Wanna know why? Because you learn so much more about your self. You’re forced to make every decision by yourself, which really teaches you want it is you like, what it is you want and what it is that motivates you to make those decisions. It’s incredibly liberating and it is the most amazing feeling to be able to say yes I did this on my own. I was scared but I pulled myself through.

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Especially in Vancouver I went on lots of long walks through the beautiful nature there and just listened to music and took everything in. If you ever get the chance to visit this beautiful city take it. The city itself is nice but the nature around it is literally breathtaking. I’m definitely more of a city than nature person but I was captivated and even went on a little hike by myself, which is something I never thought I’d be doing. Especially not on my own. But that’s what traveling on your own does. It challenges you. It helps you discover new things about yourself that might really surprise you.

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After one week in Vancouver it was time for me to pack up and move on to a new city and a new adventure: Seattle.

The only reason I picked Seattle was because I knew I probably wouldn’t get the chance to go there again. It’s only a 27 minute plane ride from Vancouver, so it just seemed logical for me to go there. Seattle is a city you know even if you’re not from the US but is it a city you dream to travel to? Probably not so I figured I should go while I was kinda close because next time I travel to the States it probably wouldn’t be Seattle. Maybe Florida or NYC or the Grande Canyon or Las Vegas. But probably not Seattle.

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Now Seattle was nice. It wasn’t amazing and it couldn’t even come close to Vancouver or Toronto (for me personally) but nonetheless I’m glad I went. I went up the Space Needle and visited some cool museums. I walked along the water front and probably all of downtown Seattle. I liked it but I didn’t love it.

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The amount of homeless people and people high on drugs or wasted on alcohol shocked me and I was scared to go out alone after it got dark. I’ve never been scared of walking alone through the dark at home or in the city I lived in, in the Netherlands when I went to college, or even in Canada. I saw a lot of poverty and homeless people when I went to Chicago with one of my friends a few months before visiting Seattle but I wasn’t alone then so I never felt worried. Now being on my own that definitely changed.

But still I don’t regret going to Seattle and I don’t regret going on my own. I might’ve been a little bit disappointed and who knows maybe I would’ve loved it more if I hadn’t fallen so in love with Toronto and Vancouver. Who knows? Still I’m so incredibly grateful for every experience I made while traveling alone because I learned so much about myself in those three weeks and a lot of the things I experienced gave me a new perspective on life. Most of all it taught me how privileged I am to be so lucky to travel and see new places in the world. I will forever keep those memories with me and no one can them away from me.

So if you ever think about traveling somewhere but don’t have anyone to go with you don’t hesitate! You can do it on your own and every minute of it will be worth it. I would recommend everyone to at least travel somewhere by themselves once in their life. Even if it’s just for 2 days or just an hour away. Take the time for yourself and you might be surprised by what you find!

If you have made it to the end of this very lengthy post thank you for staying with me until the end.

So have you ever traveled alone or would you consider it?

Lots of love,

Sophie

 

A New Beginning

It’s been a very long time since I last wrote and pressed publish on a blog post. Actually it’s been a very long time since I last even looked at my blog. A lot has happened since. I spent six months studying abroad in Canada (best time ever) and I finished writing my Bachelor’s thesis (most stressful time ever).

The past months have been kinda crazy and emotional but some of the best I’ve ever had. So much was going on I totally neglected my little blog, which once used to be my pride and joy. But now life has calmed down a lot. I finished my first degree and right now I’m just working to make some money while trying to figure out what I want to do in the future. Which Master’s program I should go in. Basically my future is very uncertain right now but I’m okay with that because I want to find the right thing for me.

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I’m not even sure why exactly but something inspired me to want to pick up my old hobby of blogging again. Once I used to love it so much it literally consumed most of my time. Writing has always helped me in so many ways, so I want to go back to just writing for me and writing for fun in my own little corner of the internet.

I know this used to be mostly a makeup blog and makeup is still my passion. My makeup collection has probably more than doubled within the past year even but I want my blog to be a lot more than just makeup. I really want to incorporate more lifestyle posts and basically just write about whatever inspires me and makes me happy, so be prepared for anything (but still lots of makeup reviews).

Right now it feels like a big chapter in my life is coming to an end and a new one is about to start, which is exciting yet scary at the same time. But to every ending there is a new beginning with new chances and opportunities and I’m intrigued where this new journey will take me and my little blog.

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Sophie

 

 

Cause True Friendship Really Doesn’t Know Distance

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I was inspired to write this post by a lovely email I got this morning from a very special friend of mine. You know how people always say true friendship knows no time or distance? That you can go weeks without talking to someone and nothing will change? I feel like that kind of friendship is very rare and very special and if you do ever experience such a friendship you should hold on to it and never let go. Like never ever in a million years because you probably won’t find such a thing again.

So how do I begin with this post? Well, let’s start with a bit of background information. Until nearly four years ago I used to live in a small town within the greater New Orleans area in Louisiana, but in June 2011 I moved away from there. While I was living there I went to a very small private school but nonetheless I had a bunch of great friends. Now nearly 4 years later I’m still in touch with a few of them but there’s one friend I made there, who is just extra special to me. We met on my first day when I was still a newbie at that school and we immediately got along. You know when you meet someone and somehow everything fits together perfectly and you’re just like where have you been all my life? It was kind of like that. We started hanging out all the time and I could literally talk to her about anything without feeling weird. Usually I’m not that kind of person who talks about their feelings or worries or anything too personal very much but with her it was different. She’s one of the few people I could be completely myself with because I knew for a fact that she would never ever judge me no matter what.

Now four years later we’re still in touch. We don’t talk that often and we haven’t seen each other in person in 4 years but whenever I get an email from her or whenever we actually do manage to find the time to Skype it just feels so familiar and so natural. I can still open up to her about anything even though we’re nearly 5000 miles apart, I haven’t seen her in so long and we don’t talk on a regular basis. But it literally makes no difference. Whenever I hear from her it just takes me straight back to 16 year old me having a blast at those Friday night football games or stressing about finding the perfect dress for homecoming with one of the best friends I could’ve ever asked for.

For years we’ve been making these plans about me coming back to Louisiana and visiting her or her coming over to Europe. We even thought about traveling Europe together over the summer and made all these crazy plans. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to turn anything into reality yet but since we’re both turning 20 this year our plans actually do become a bit more realistic.

Ever since I was little we’ve moved around a lot. I’ve already lived in 9 different cities in 3 different countries.The longest I’ve ever lived in the same place was for 5 years.  I’ve met a bunch of people in my life and I know what it’s like to have to say goodbye to your friends not knowing when or if you will ever see them again. I also know what it’s like to be the new kid all the time. When I was younger I had good friends as well. Friends I would have called my best friends at the time but every time I moved away again I would eventually lose contact to them.

I feel like a friendship in which you can be 100% yourself is very rare and I’m so glad I’ve found a friend like that, even though we may be living miles apart at the moment it doesn’t change anything between us at all and I find that to be such a beautiful thing. Her emails still make my entire day and if there’s ever a time when I’m really down and need to talk to someone she’s the first person I turn to because I know for a fact that she will always be there for me just like I’ll always be there for her no matter what.

So as I’ve already said in the beginning of this post if you ever find a friendship that can’t even be separated by miles and miles hold on to it. Cause who needs those so-called friends who can’t even take a minute out of their day to text you back when you have a friendship like that, right?

As always thanks so much for reading!

Lots of love,

Sophie

Happy New Year & a little Life Update

Hey lovelies,

let me begin this post by wishing you all a very happy new year! I know it’s already the 3rd of January and I really wanted to share a blog post earlier but you now.. life gets in the way sometimes! So, I just got back from London yesterday and then today I met up with some old high school friends just to catch up, which was really nice as I hadn’t seen them in a few months.

But now back to my London trip. It was my 4th time in London and it was pretty damn awesome. I think I just have a bit of a thing for London. It’s such an amazing place. Just like last year my best friend and I stayed there for around 5 days over New Years.

Since we both have been there several times now we skipped the typical tourist stuff and just did a lot of shopping, visited some museums, the zoo and took the subway (or tube as the English they) to explore some of the more exotic parts of London, that aren’t overly crowded by tourists.

Last year we spent NYE strolling through Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park before going to watch the fireworks down by the Thames. However, this year they closed up the area around London Eye and you had to get tickets in order to watch the fireworks. But since getting back to our hotel took us around 6 hours last year because they had closed down a lot of the big underground stations, so we got stuck for around 2 hours in front of Waterloo station, I really had no desire to go through that again. I was nearly in tears last time. So, this year we spend NYE in a bar and club in one right at Leicester Square and it was a lot less stressful and much more enjoyable.

We stayed in a hotel in the Wembley area, so to get back we just had to make our way to Piccadilly Circus and take the Bakerloo line to Wembley Central and after a 7min walk we reached our hotel. I swear, last year in comparison was an absolute nightmare. After getting stuck at Waterloo for hours we had to take own overcrowded subway after the other just to miss our train. With a ton of luck we finally managed to catch a bus out of central London at 5.30.

This time we left the club at around 1 am and were back in our hotel room at around 2,30. I wish we could’ve stayed out longer but it was my first night out partying since I got out of the hospital and since I still have to take strong medication, which makes me incredibly tired I just couldn’t go any longer. But we still had an amazing time!

Obviously I did a lot of shopping as well! I can’t even count the times I went into Boots to buy some more make up. I basically spent most of my money on make up but I have no regrets! Hopefully I manage to get a little haul post up soon. I mainly bought drugstore make up apart from some Tom Ford make up but more about that in my next post.

As much fun as I had I’m glad to be back home now as the last days have been absolutely exhausting. I’m still not allowed to practice any type of sport for a while but we basically spend all day walking around in London with hardly any breaks. Usually that wouldn’t have been a problem for me but since I haven’t been very active physically because I just wasn’t allowed to it was absolutely exhausting for me and I’m now glad to be able to sleep in my own bed again and get some rest! Plus I missed blogging and I’m excited to continuing working on my blog in 2015!

Once again I hope you guys had an amazing NYE and I hope you enjoyed reading this post despite it differing a bit from my usual posts because it’s more of a life update one.

Somehow I didn’t take a lot of pictures while in London (maybe because I already have so many) so I thought I’d just my 3 favorites with you guys!

Lots of love,

Sophie

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‘Cause Moving On Is Hard…

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I want to start this post off by saying that I’m no way writing this to get any special attention or pity. The reason I’m writing this is because I’m someone who can’t talk about feelings. I just can’t. I tend to keep everything to myself but lately something in my life happened that I need to process somehow. Some people may say now why are you sharing it with the Internet? I regard my blog as my little corner on the Internet, where I can write whatever I want to. People who read this may judge me but I won’t know because I’ll probably never meet them, so I don’t really mind. Judge me all you want. And trust me it wasn’t easy to write all of this down and to hit the publish button. I just know that I need to share this and since I can’t talk about it I have to write about it. Anyway.. I’m sharing my story because maybe someone else is going through something similar and can feel along and it just helps me to try and move on.

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since it all happened. 3 weeks since my dad brought me to the hospital and I ended up in intensive care battling a life threatening disease.

I have always lived pretty healthy. I don’t smoke. I hardly drink. I eat my veggies. I work out every now and then. In general I just try to look after my body. During my vacation in August I suffered from a pretty bad cold, so when I returned home and felt weak and tired all the time I didn’t think of anything bad. I thought it was just still related to my cold. Then on Sunday I woke up with chest pain and whenever I walked stairs I could hardly breath, which seemed a bit alarming to me but still I just thought it was because of my cold. Since I was feeling good besides being a bit out of breath I went out to dinner with some friends of mine and we were even making fun of me for sounding like Darth Vader.

On Monday morning I woke up and I could feel my heart racing so fast like it was about to jump out of my chest. The pressure on my chest had increased a lot. Unfortunately I was home alone. My parents were both at work and my brother was at school. I went downstairs to make me some tea and when I went upstairs again and reached my room I was so out of breath I thought I was going to choke. I lay down on my bed and after 10 minutes my breathing had gone back to normal. I just felt like something was terribly wrong, so I texted my mom and she told me to call my dad. My dad’s a surgeon in a big hospital, so he came right over and brought me there. Since he works there I didn’t have to wait and was brought to a room right away.

I thought I had just some kind of infection and they  would give some antibiotics but things came very differently. They drew blood and run some tests. They told me I had to stay for a few days and after waiting for a while they brought me to a room in a wheelchair. I wasn’t allowed to walk anywhere, which seemed so weird to me because I was feeling fine apart from being out of breath easily. After doing some tests my dad came into my room and told me that I was suffering from pulmonary embolism. What basically happens is that blood clots block arteries in your lungs. No matter how severe it is it’s always life threatening if nothing is done. Of course my dad didn’t tell me that. After doing some more tests one of the doctors I’d met throughout the day came into my room and told me that I would have to be moved into intensive care. That was the moment I realised that it must be something serious because they don’t put you there for no reason. I was moved there on that Monday evening and was hooked up to a bunch of monitors watching my every heartbeat, checking my blood pressure every hour and other stuff. I was terrified.

The next day they told me that my case was pretty severe because it had gone so far that there was blood blocking my right heart. During the next days they put me on pretty heavy medication to dissolve the blood clots. The treatment I had to go through came with lots of risks but I don’t want to go through all the details. I kind of just want to forget those days because it didn’t all work like it was supposed to and some complications came up but eventually it all came to an end.

After almost 2 weeks in the hospital the blood clots in my lungs and in my right heart were gone and I was healthy again. They released me and I returned home. On my last day they did one last test and everything looked like nothing ever happened. One of the doctors told my dad that he’d never seen anything like that. Usually you don’t get away without any permanent damage to your heart after such a severe case.

I was so lucky. If my dad wasn’t a surgeon and hadn’t once studied these things I probably wouldn’t have gone to the hospital right away. And if his colleagues hadn’t acted so fast and tried their everything to help me I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now.

I still have to take heavy medication for a while but basically I’m healthy again. Still I’m scared. I missed 2 weeks of university and I’m just scared of I don’t even know what. It’s just that one moment I was out with my friends and 24 hours later I found myself in intensive care hooked up to all these machines with a dangerous disease. I realised how fast life can change. In just seconds everything can be over.

Sometimes I feel so sad even though I should be crying tears of joy for still being here. Sure I’m glad it’s all over and I’m okay again. I’m beyond glad. I’m so grateful. But still I’m scared of my everyday life the way it was. I still have nightmares about those nights in the hospital when I was laying there in intensive care at night. When my parents where with me during the day they took my mind off of things but when I was alone at night all the horrible thoughts came to haunt me.

So tomorrow I’m going to my first lecture again. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about everything to my friends in person. Writing it all down is so much easier but having to actually say it. I’m so scared I won’t be able to catch up on all of the things I missed. Plus I will be away from home and my parents in another country again. It’s all so scary to think about but I know I eventually have to get back on track and start living my life again. Right now I’m just kind of here. I used to be such a happy person. I had so many dreams and plans. I still do but right now it all seems so irrelevant. I used to get so freaking excited when I bout a new lipstick or eyeshadow or something like that and now I don’t feel anything really. I just feel kind of empty.

I just hope I can get back to my old self because I liked my old self. I hope that going back to uni will help me move on from this. I survived and now I need to start living again. My only problem is that I’m scared.

Wish me luck for tomorrow because I’m terribly nervous already!

Also I’d like to thank everyone who is reading my blog, liking and commenting on my pictures. This really means the world to me and I can’t believe that a little over 300 people are actually reading my rambles. Thank you so much!

Sophie